How to Handle Puke

Your guide to family-wide Vomit Sickies

I will never forget the first time we had a family bout of what we describe as the “vomit sickies.” We had a stomach virus rip through our then-family of five. We were living in an apartment with just one bathroom, and Seth had possession of the toilet there. I had a bucket, and we put our older two kids in the kitchen, the only room in the apartment with tile floors. We gave them buckets too, but at two and three years old, they were not yet trained to aim their fire. Our then-baby sat in his high chair watching all of us from above in deep confusion. He chomped away at a banana watching us retch our guts out. It’s a mental picture that I’ll carry with me always.

Since then, we’ve had family-wide vomit sickies rip through all of us half a dozen more times; and every time you think “this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” I have so many kids, but when everyone (including parents) are puking, it feels like they’ve somehow increased in number.

I’ve been around the block with this enough times, that I’ve developed a few tricks that I’ve become an evangelist about. It’s weird to be this passionate about puke. But if you’ve ever been a parent and had to hold a bucket for a puking kid (or two, or three or more) as you yourself are violently ill, you get why I might be so excited about anything that could make this experience more survivable.

I’ve made this post public because I consider sharing this information to be a public service, but please, do subscribe. Consider the standard disclaimer that I’m not a medical professional. But also consider I have six kids and they all inherited my weak stomach, so I’ve been around this block so, so many times. This is what works for us.

The key for all of this advice is: Get prepared now. Before you need this post. You should have everything I mention here in your possession, and if you go on a family trip, bring it with you! A future version of yourself will be grateful.

First: Zofran. Perhaps this is cheating, but my #1 line of attack for puke is prescription medication. We joke that our third child (the one who was chomping on the banana) should have been named Zofran because I took it so much when I was pregnant with him. But if you have any way to stockpile this medication for a rainy day, you absolutely should. If you have a friend or family member who can write a prescription, ask them to do you a solid and write a script.

Second: Activated charcoal. This stuff is straight magic. I was first introduced to it by a crunchy mom, but since becoming an evangelist for it, I’ve learned that it’s administered in emergency rooms for overdoses. It adsorbs - I don’t understand the difference between adsorb and absorbs. I guess I could ask ChatGPT, but what’s the fun in that? Beware: it can make other medications you’re taking less effective, even birth control pills.

How do you take it and under what circumstances?

If you have something in your gut that’s causing you upset, that’s when it’s appropriate. That doesn’t mean it works for morning sickness, though, wrong part of your gut.

Scenario: Your five-year-old pukes thanks to a bug. You have two other kids, age three and eight. What do you do?

All adults in the house should immediately take two capsules. If your eight-year-old is able to swallow pills, they should too. For whoever can’t take pills, you can break these capsules apart and empty the contents into a glass of water. We add a packet of Liquid-IV to the glass. The black powder looks gross, but has no taste. Adding the flavored Liquid-IV packet makes it taste like a treat, and as an added bonus, pre-hydrates in case the vomit sicky hits them next.

For the patient zero, the one who puked, wait until they haven’t thrown up for an hour before giving them anything. Let their stomach settle. Then, and only then, do you give them the activated charcoal and Liquid-IV.

Repeat this every 4-8 hours (depending on the severity of the demon you’re facing) until 24 hours after the last puke has left the building.

How effective is activated charcoal in our experience? To stop the puking, we’re at about 60%. But at stopping the spread, and keeping other kids (and parents) from joining the party, we’re at 85-90% effectiveness.

Third: Puppy pads. Before I had kids, I didn’t realize that it takes time for kids to learn that they’re about to puke and to learn how to aim into a toilet. One of my kids has been incredible at this since she was a toddler; the others it’s a real learning curve. That’s where the puppy pads come in, especially at night. If you have a kid who wants to sit on a fabric, like a couch or their bed, while they’re still feeling sick or who have recently been sick, these are your new best friend. Line the couch, line their bed or crib over their pillow with these. They’re not the most comfortable to sit or lay on, but it’s more comfortable than the bathroom floor. And they’ll save the fabric from smelling like puke.

Fourth: Waterproof mattress protector. This should always been on your mattresses, even adult ones. We have this one, and it doesn’t feel like you’re sleeping on plastic. For so many reasons, you should be protecting your mattress from water of all kinds, and this is how we do it in our house.

Fifth: Vessels. Does everyone in your family have a large and deep enough vessel to puke into in case everyone gets hit at once? Make sure you’ve got some buckets next time you’re at Home Depot. If you live in a stupid place like I do, make sure you have plastic bags to line them, also. (Remember plastic shopping bags? sigh)

I hope you never need this information, but one thing I’ve learned after spending a year or two as a puke evangelist (or, I guess, an anti-puke activist?) is that someone out there inevitably will. May be force and activated charcoal be with you.